


what’s ‘enough’?

by ikonisch (discordinparadise)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, confused feelings, i swear it’s not as weird as that makes it sound, inspired by an advert on a train, so does hanbin but he shows it differently, the cutest friends, yunbin best friends - Freeform, yunbin is great, yunhyeong loves hanbin a whole lot, yunhyeong’s pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 06:41:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18148448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordinparadise/pseuds/ikonisch
Summary: As Yunhyeong watched him from behind and felt the way that Hanbin held onto his hand gently, but tightly, intertwining their fingers with a smooth transition, he realised that Hanbin had never outright said 'I like you' but neither had he said the words 'I don't like you' and in Yunhyeong's mind, that meant far more to him than it was probably supposed to.





	what’s ‘enough’?

It was dark, too dark for his liking, but Yunhyeong was still awake.

He could just about see his own reflection in the mirror that doubled up as a closet door, right opposite him as he sat cross-legged on his bed. He could see his outline, see the shadows hanging off of him since the sliver of curtain that was drawn let specks of moonlight disrupt the darkness of the room. It was cold but Yunhyeong didn't drape the blanket tighter over his body. It was late but Yunhyeong didn't feel sleepy at all.

He was blaming his sleepless attitude on loneliness, even though that didn't really make sense. It wasn't like he had ever slept in the same bed with someone to actually validate his current craving for it, that urge to want to wrap someone up in his arms and also be wrapped up in  _theirs_  while soft snores left their mouths and they'd be just...trapped in a bubble of safety, contentment. But Yunhyeong knew that he didn't have anyone to do that with and maybe he never would, but right now he  _really_  needed another warm, breathing human. His parents were abroad and the apartment was so cold, so big, and Yunhyeong didn't fit in all by himself.

He picked up his phone, against his better judgement because he really didn't want to bother anyone, but he couldn't help himself. Emotions and sleepiness always wore away at his filter.

 ** you **  
_bin..._

 ** binsta **  
_wat_

 ** you **  
_):_

 ** binsta **  
_hyung look_

 ** binsta **  
_i am three away from a personal best i will f l a m e you_

 ** you **  
_okay fine ignore me, jfc how much coffee have you taken_

 ** binsta **  
_IT IS KIND OF THREE AM_

 ** binsta **  
_I NEED MY FITING JUICE_

 ** you **  
_alright okay_

 ** you **  
_I'll leave you to it_

 ** binsta **  
_okay i've done it now so come at me_

 ** you **  
_ehhhhhh it's nothing really_

 ** binsta **  
_okay_

 ** you **  
_no wait you're supposed to go like 'NO DARLING I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING YOU MUST SPILL YOUR BURDENS' ):_

 ** binsta **  
_...how much coffee have YOU drank_

 ** binsta **  
_scratch that - alcohol. you've got to be intoxicated to think there's even the slightest of chances of me calling you darling_

 ** you **  
_;-;_

 ** binsta **  
_ughhhhh my arms hurtttt_

 ** you **  
_how hard were you playing that game?_

 ** binsta **  
_game???? i was doing push-ups hyung what are you saying_

 ** you **  
_wow of course you were_

 ** binsta **  
_you still didn't tell me what's up_

 ** you **  
_I doubt you'd care_

 ** binsta **  
_you doubt correctly but curiosity will always be my downfall_

 ** binsta **  
_you okay?_

 ** you **  
_lonely_

 ** you **  
_I don't understand how or why but I'm so so lonely and I really hate it, I want to cry_

 ** binsta **  
_alright hyung keep talking to me_

 ** you **  
_I feel like I'm just being stupid_

 ** binsta **  
_mhm_

 ** you **  
_but I really want to just idk sleep in someone's arms right now_

 ** binsta **  
_i see_

 ** you **  
_I'm so people deprived these days_

 ** binsta **  
_yes_

 ** you **  
_and I haven't dated in forever, is this my mind telling me that I want to do that?_

 ** binsta **  
_how interesting_

 ** you **  
_I think I just need to get my shit together, I shouldn't be this dependent_

 ** binsta **  
_absolutely_

 ** you **  
_can you stop???_

 ** binsta **  
_whAT i'm deadass doing nothing!_

 ** you **  
_your interjections! how the heck am I supposed to keep a straight face?!_

 ** binsta **  
_i made you smile?_

 ** you **  
_yes idiot >:(_

 ** binsta **  
_good_

 ** binsta **  
_hey open the door will you_

 ** you **  
_you what_

 ** you **  
_why_

 ** binsta **  
_just do it_

 ** you **  
_hanbin_

 ** binsta **  
_yunhyeong_

 ** you **  
_h a n b i n_

 ** binsta **  
_y u n h y e o n g_

 ** you **  
_HANBIN_

 ** binsta **  
_JUST OPEN THE DOOR YOU FUCKER IT'S COLD_

 ** you **  
_WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE_

 ** binsta **  
_CAUSE I FUCKING AM DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM_

 ** you **  
_YES I HAVE A PROBLEM: WHAT THE FUCK_

 ** binsta **  
_STOP FUCKING SWEARING DUDE_

 ** you **  
_HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE_

 ** binsta **  
_ONE-HANDED DRIVING STILL ON MY PHONE_

 ** you **  
_that is ilLEGAL I DON'T CONDONE_

 ** binsta **  
_EXCUSE YOU BUT I DON'T THINK I NEED YOUR C O N S E N T_

 ** you **  
_okay let's_

 ** you **  
_let's calm down_

 ** you **  
_I'm going to open the door and bash your head in_

 ** you **  
_prepare yourself_

 ** binsta **  
_prepared and braced_

And Yunhyeong really thought that he would do that, all the way up to him opening the door and then he actually saw Hanbin, all wrapped up in a coat and a scarf with rosy cheeks and mittens covering his hands and a small bag slung over his shoulder, and suddenly Yunhyeong completely forgot that he was angry as he threw himself at Hanbin for a hug. Hanbin blinked, stumbling a little before his eyebrows shot up and it was a moment before he reciprocated, patting Yunhyeong's back. "Wow...my head feels, like,  _so_  bashed in right now-"

"Shut up."

"Yeah, okay."

Hanbin always came to Yunhyeong's house unannounced, and he had a knack for doing it when Yunhyeong's parents were away. They both had an odd set of parents, where Yunhyeong's were busy workers and were hardly ever home but still loved Yunhyeong a lot, and Hanbin's parents were always home but they just didn't care much about anything. Yunhyeong was always trying to make up for lost love, trying to give Hanbin the affection he should have even if it made Hanbin grimace and wince because he didn't care, he just wanted Hanbin to feel loved.

Yunhyeong winced halfway through the hug, suddenly hit by a wave of shyness as he pulled away and slapped Hanbin's arm, making the younger yelp. "Go back home."

Hanbin stared at him. "I made such an effort for you."

"Hanbin."

"I feel invalidated. You know what, maybe I  _should_  go home, my plushies would treat me better than this."

"Alright, fine then," Yunhyeong said, amused as he crossed his arms. "Go."

Hanbin furrowed his eyebrows a little, suddenly looking lost. "I didn't actually...fine."

"Bye."

"Yep."

"It was nice seeing you."

"Mhm."

"You're not moving-"

"That's 'cause I'm not gonna leave, go away," Hanbin snapped, walking into the apartment and slamming the door shut behind him. Yunhyeong grinned brightly, linking an arm with Hanbin's which the younger seemed to grimace at but then he was dragging Yunhyeong to his room at the speed of a tiger and Yunhyeong was having far too much trouble trying to keep up. He managed eventually though, but then Hanbin was falling face-first onto his bed and Yunhyeong could have screamed as he almost fell right on top of him.

"Come on," Hanbin muttered, his voice muffled and Yunhyeong decided to follow heed as he hopped onto the bed, rolling over so he had his shoulder pressed up to Hanbin's and when the younger looked up, Yunhyeong smiled sweetly at him and said a small, "Hi."

Hanbin rolled his eyes, resting his face in his palm as he looked at Yunhyeong too. Maybe Hanbin had a reply on the tip of his tongue but he didn't say anything, both of them only staring at each other for a moment and Yunhyeong felt shy, lost because of the fact that he was getting so much of Hanbin's attention. He hoped Hanbin didn't notice when he moved away just a little bit.

"Why are you here?" Yunhyeong asked, his voice soft and calm as it seeped into the silence and Hanbin finally broke eye contact, shrugging as he replied, "Your texts got my Song senses tingling."

"What's that to do with me?"

"Not singing song, _you_ Song."

"Oh...haha. Funny. Why are you really here?"

"Because you're my best friend, idiot," Hanbin sighed like it was the worst thing ever, poking Yunhyeong's arm hard which had the elder pouting even though his heart felt full. "I need to remind you of that sometimes. For, you know, reasons."

Sometimes, Yunhyeong would get the feeling that Hanbin didn't actually like him, and that he felt like he had no  _choice_  but to hang out with Yunhyeong. Like he didn't find it possible to just...not. They hadn't even been friends for years and years but Yunhyeong was all Hanbin had, so maybe their friendship was simply a necessity instead of a desire. Yunhyeong thought that a lot sometimes, like when Hanbin would brush him off or look so tired when he was in Yunhyeong's company.

So having Hanbin say something like that, for the first time ever, meant the world to Yunhyeong.

"Reasons," Yunhyeong agreed, barely holding back his smile as he closed the small distance that he had made before, even going a little closer because he felt like he had earned it. This time Hanbin noticed, and he looked particularly flustered as he looked down and quickly said, "U-Um, so...movie?"

"At this time? You really want to?"

Hanbin grinned. "I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"I don't think you'd like any of my selection..."

"I know, I brought some of my own," Hanbin said nonchalantly which made Yunhyeong glare at him but then Hanbin was grabbing his hand and pulling him off the bed, walking out the door and as Yunhyeong watched him from behind and felt the way that Hanbin held onto his hand gently, but tightly, intertwining their fingers with a smooth transition, he realised that Hanbin had never outright said 'I like you' but neither had he said the words 'I  _don't_  like you' and in Yunhyeong's mind, that meant far more to him than it was probably supposed to.

Yunhyeong squeezed Hanbin's hand, already feeling so much better.

•••

"Can't believe Christmas is finished already," Yunhyeong sighed as him and Hanbin sat outside their high school, ten minutes after the day had ended but neither of them wanted to go home. God, holiday school sucked just as much as their parents who had sent them there but Yunhyeong had the thought that as long as he kept optimistic and had Hanbin by his side, it would be okay. Soon he'd be off to university and he'd have longer holidays than ever and no thought of overworking parents who needed him to be in a 'supervised environment'. Why couldn't they just work less and look after him, then?

Hanbin was sat on the bench, flicking through his music book while Yunhyeong was beside him and rubbing his freezing fingers together, miserable in the most positive way he could manage. But at the words, Hanbin was looking up and staring at him in amazement.

"Hyung, it's  _well_  into 2019."

"I'm the type who's in denial of Christmas' ending, okay, why can't it be like one month long? I was honestly thinking up puns for it during the whole of Chemistry. Hehe, Christmas Chemis _tree._  I mean, sorry." 

"You're gross," Hanbin said in the most disgusted voice, even though he put his book down and took Yunhyeong's hands in his mittened ones, pressing them together as he blew on them gently. Yunhyeong grinned at him shyly, his cheeks turning a little red from something other than the cold but he still managed to say, "You know, it's not over yet, I've got  _myrrh._ "

"Hyung, please..."

"If you object then  _yule_  be sorry!"

"It's confirmed, I hate you."

"Oh deer..."

Hanbin shook his head, clearly fighting a smile but Yunhyeong could see it and that was how he knew he was triumphant. "You're the biggest idiot, so I'm just gonna ignore you from now on."

"Pfft,  _pine._ "

"Let's go back home."

Yunhyeong only nodded, mostly because he couldn't think of another pun and he didn't want to break his streak, and he hopped up and waited for Hanbin to pack up his things while humming a catchy jingle that he didn't know the name of. Then he was walking without thinking much about it, the familiar feeling of Hanbin by his side and cold winter wind ruffling through his hair and his clothes making a sense of eased comfort. Sometimes Yunhyeong would want to press up just a little closer to Hanbin and blame it on wanting to keep warm but he was still a coward through and through, so he couldn't. He had only worked up to taking hold of Hanbin's hand about a month ago, after  _two years_ of them being friends and the first time was met with a very shocked recoiling on Hanbin's part. Next time around, Yunhyeong planned it more carefully, doing it while Hanbin was sat next to him consumed in work in front of a warm fire, and Yunhyeong just slowly inched his hand forward and rested his hand on Hanbin's before gradually wrapping it around Hanbin's fingers, gently. The younger had blinked, staring down at the hands but instead of pulling away, he muttered a soft, "I need that hand, hyung," and Yunhyeong had nodded, still grinning wildly as he let Hanbin have his hand back.

Good times.

It wasn't like things were different now. Yunhyeong would sometimes wrap Hanbin's hands up in his if they were both in a quiet, calm atmosphere that didn't require words. Sometimes Hanbin would react, maybe grimacing, maybe smiling a little, maybe making a small 'tch' noise. Sometimes Hanbin wouldn't do anything and let Yunhyeong do whatever he wanted, and whenever he needed Yunhyeong to let go, he'd just squeeze the elder's hands lightly and Yunhyeong would understand. They had a system for every little thing they did and Yunhyeong couldn't help but think, every now and then, that their friendship was actually kind of...beautiful. Was that weird? Hanbin would call it weird.

After all that thinking, Yunhyeong was bowled over by the urge to take Hanbin's hand, and the younger didn't show a single sign of complaint.

"Are you free tomorrow?" Hanbin asked suddenly as they turned a corner and Yunhyeong blinked at him.

"Why?"

"I was hoping you'd sleep over..."

Yunhyeong's eyes widened, and suddenly he was turning a little red. "Oh."

"What, you can't make it? Or you don't want to?"

"No, no, neither of those, I just- I'd love to!" Yunhyeong said quickly, trying to clarify himself and he missed the flicker of relief that passed over Hanbin's face. "But why do you want to me to? You've never asked me before."

"My parents are leaving for the night and they're half-expecting me to do something rebellious like throw a grand old party but, I just wanna invite a friend over for the first time ever. It'd kind of mean a lot to me."

"And... _I'm_  the friend?" Yunhyeong asked in an overly dramatic voice, his eyes wide as he laid a hand over his heart and this time he caught sight of Hanbin's amused but so, so exasperated smile.

"I really can't deal with you sometimes."

"I'm so honoured, of  _course_  I'll come, and I'll make you dinner and tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight and oh my God, tomorrow's gonna be a  _great_  day!"

"Okay...okay, cool," Hanbin said, nodding and looking as if he still hadn't quite processed the fact that Yunhyeong had said yes. And it wasn't long before they reached the intersection of roads where they had to part ways and Hanbin turned to face Yunhyeong who grinned at him, patting his arm.

"Until tomorrow?"

Hanbin smiled, nodding as he squeezed Yunhyeong's hand which had the elder letting go of him, unlocking their fingers apart gently while Hanbin's invisible imprint still stayed delicate on his hand. "Yeah. Until tomorrow."

•••

It was the first time that Hanbin had ever called him over,  _ever_  physically asked for his company, and Yunhyeong very almost didn't go.

When off days come, where the balance of contentment and exasperation shift, it hits hard. All the buckets of revision material for tests and stupid homework did wonders for Yunhyeong's morale except, in a bad way; and carrying all his folders and books precariously across the busy hallways only led to them falling miserably and Yunhyeong thought many times that maybe he should just give up. What was the use of school anyway? He could just ditch it for randomly posing at shopping malls until someone with  _taste_  would scout him. And then there was him having missed the chance to eat lunch because he was too busy studying, before getting such a shameful score when he got his maths test back that he was red for almost the entire lesson, and almost passing out during his last class because of lack of water, and food probably.

And he never even got to see Hanbin once the whole day to appease him, because Hanbin had that quality where if Yunhyeong just caught  _sight_  of him then his mood would lift.

He had rushed to the school café the instant his last class ended to get a bit of food but he was left with his hands on the shut door helplessly since it had been closed because there were visitors or whatever, and Yunhyeong almost kicked the vague sign of explanation into the lake. Then he was walking to the gates outside of the school, his heart considerably sinking when he realised that there was no familiar brunette waiting there for him, bobbing his head to a song or scribbling something deep on his hand, so he just went home and opened the door, calling out a weary 'I'm back' to people that he knew weren't there before he trudged upstairs and flopped back onto his bed, breathing out softly through his nose.

One minute went and Yunhyeong slipped his eyes shut.

Five minutes flew by and he was snuggling into his bed, half passed out.

Twenty minutes raced past and then he was lying on his stomach all stretched out like a starfish, lightly drooling onto his pillow as he snored softly, feeling content in the familiar enraptures of his bedroom and warm-welcomed sleep until his phone was buzzing loudly, and Yunhyeong blinked as he finally started registering the buzzes and he slowly sat up, throwing his arm out randomly to try and get to his phone, and he got lucky as he picked it up and instantly fell back onto his bed, peering at the screen with blurry eyes.

 **binsta**    
_are you close yet?_

 **binsta**    
_hyung! are you coming?_

 **binsta**    
_hyung..._

 ** binsta **  
_are you okay?_

 **binsta**    
_where are you?_

 **binsta**    
_jfc if you're dead_

 **binsta**    
_did something come up?_

 **binsta**    
_you're not coming any more are you..._

 **binsta**    
_okay thanks for telling me_

Yunhyeong's mouth dropped open, and suddenly he was much more than awake as he sat up, breathing fast before instantly rolling off of the bed and making a run for it, grabbing the small bag of clothes that he had prepared the night before and he bashed his shoulder against his door while sprinting out but he found himself not caring at all.

 **you**  
_NO NOOONONONONO WAIT IM COMING PLEASE SHUT UP ILL BE THERE IN FIVE IM JUST SDHJKXJNCSX I LOVE YOU IM SO SORRY PLEASE WAIT_

And then Yunhyeong was out the door and on the bus, using all his nonexistent willpower to try and make it go faster before he jumped off it once it reached his stop, yelling out a crazed "THANK YOU!" before he ran down Hanbin's street then stopped, leaning against a bush (which wasn't the best thing to lean against, in theory) as he tried to catch his breath and gather his thoughts, because Hanbin probably wouldn't appreciate him going crazy over what was supposed to be a meaningful, simple meet-up.

"Let's practise what we're going to say," Yunhyeong muttered breathily to himself, still exhaling and inhaling very heavily. "I could tell him the truth, which I probably will anyway. Before that I'll just yell a string of apologies until he's so worn down that he tells me to shut up, but then would he kick me out? God's sake, if he does then our friendship is over but not really because I'm kind of a helpless turd without him so maybe I should just-"

His phone pinged and he quickly shut up, taking it out to see what it said.

 ** binsta **  
_oh sorry i just saw this was in the shower_

 **binsta**    
_hurry, will you? ugh_

And the next thing Yunhyeong knew, he was at Hanbin's doorstep, knocking and before he had even reached two raps, the door was being opened. And none of the things that Yunhyeong thought would happen actually happened because the only thing he could do was throw his arms around Hanbin, shoving his face into the younger's chest and then everything was still. Calm. And this was probably the first time during the whole day that Yunhyeong had felt happy.

Hanbin was slow at reciprocating, maybe he was too surprised, but he eventually wrapped his arms around Yunhyeong too and it was all gentle touches and pats like he knew exactly that Yunhyeong needed something like that. Affection. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's...nothing," Yunhyeong muttered, tightening his hold on Hanbin tenfold for a split-second before letting go, but Hanbin didn't let go of him. He just looked at Yunhyeong with curious, searching eyes and kept him in his arms, enough to make Yunhyeong feel strange even though it was nice. Nice, but more than he had ever expected. "I'm okay but, I'm so sorry, Bin. Did you go to school today?"

"No, Byul's sick," Hanbin sighed, smiling regretfully as he pulled back from the hug and shook out his hair that Yunhyeong noticed was still damp. "Had to look after her."

"You could've told me that."

"I didn't realise..."

Yunhyeong rolled his eyes, but he still felt like beaming because all was well now. He was with his favourite person who didn't hate him and they were okay, and he was so lost in happiness after having such a bad day that Hanbin had to tug on his sleeve to snap him out of it, saying almost shyly, "So, um..."

"Can I go see Hanbyul?"

"Sure."

Hanbin led the way, going up the stairs first and Yunhyeong made the realisation that Hanbin's house was really quite nice. It was the perfect family home, cosy, and the thought of Hanbin's family not being able to properly act like a  _family_  in this kind of dream of a house...it made Yunhyeong more upset than he would have liked to admit.

"She's in here," Hanbin whispered once they reached a door which he pushed open gently, peeking his head through as he called out, "Byul-ah? Yunhyeong-oppa's here to see you, is that okay?"

A cute but raspy call of "Yeah!" made Yunhyeong smile uncontrollably as Hanbin allowed him into the room and he instantly made a coo sort of noise like everyone does with kids when he saw Hanbyul lying on a bed, all wrapped up like a burrito (clearly Hanbin's doing). "Hi, darling."

"Oppa," Hanbyul cheered weakly as she wiggled around, trying to sit up but Yunhyeong assured her that it was okay, kneeling down next to the bed and he smiled when Hanbyul flopped back down immediately. "You've never been here before. Hi."

"You okay?"

"No...I  _hate_  colds..."

"She gets one every year, don't you, Byul?" Hanbin asked as he sat at the side of the bed, patting Hanbyul's head as the younger nodded sadly. "It's kind of a tradition now, let's say."

"No! Traditions are nice, this is  _mean._ "

"You'll get better soon," Yunhyeong soothed, carding a hand through Hanbyul's hair and the younger shuffled into the touch, closing her eyes as she murmured sleepily, "Yunhyeong-oppa's hands are always warm."

"Not always, you're wrong," Hanbin disagreed and Hanbyul rolled over to glare at him.

"They  _are._ "

"They're not."

"They are!"

"I touch them all the time and they're not, I'm a more reliable source," Hanbin rebutted, poking Hanbyul's arm and the younger narrowed her eyes, thinking for a second before she rolled back to Yunhyeong's side, muttering a slightly bitter but more placated, "Fine but they're warm now and mine so go away."

Yunhyeong raised an eyebrow, confusedly enamoured as he continued stroking Hanbyul's hair and Hanbin rolled over so he could lie next to Hanbyul, turning to the side and smiling at the sight of her. After moments of 'oppa get off my  _bed'_  and Hanbin saying 'nope' as he gave Hanbyul a fat kiss on the cheek, it wasn't long before Hanbyul's breaths grew slow and measured, her small torso rising and falling steadily and Yunhyeong pressed his warm fingers to Hanbyul's tiny, red, and very freezing nose, whispering, "Good niiiight", as Hanbin sat up and pulled the disturbed blanket tighter around his sister.

"She's out cold?"

"Pretty sure. Come," Hanbin replied as he rolled off of the bed, landing on the floor with a loud thump that got Yunhyeong so worried but then Hanbin was jumping up and running over to him, sending him a grin with his messy wet hair. Yunhyeong had an urge to run a towel through it, but he could only follow when Hanbin took hold of his wrist and started leading them back downstairs - and that made Yunhyeong gasp in realisation.

"I'm making dinner, right? Right?!"

"You sound far too excited about it," Hanbin replied, rolling his eyes as he let go of Yunhyeong who only grinned, hugging Hanbin's arm for a second.

"It'll be the best meal you've ever and ever  _will_  have."

"Wow, don't get too ahead of yourself, you'll combust."

"Is that coming from prior experience?"

"From knowing you for so long, yes."

"Well it doesn't matter so much, you always put me back together anyway."

Hanbin turned stock still, not even moving when Yunhyeong let him out of his hold and hurried off to the kitchen, singing a song while replacing the words with the most cheesy food-related lyrics, and Hanbin opened his mouth to say something but it was already far too late, any moment that there could have been was gone, so he simply slinked over to the dining room in revered silence.

•••

"Should I call out 'dinner's ready!' or just bring it over or have him help me or more than one of those or all of the above but is that possible?" Yunhyeong asked himself with furrowed eyebrows as he sifted the food onto three plates, narrowing his eyes at a vegetable which slipped to the floor and laid there helplessly. "You  _weakling._ "

But Hanbin, ever the psychic, walked in at the perfect moment and grinned when he saw the food. Yunhyeong stared at him in surprise for a second and Hanbin stared back before saying a flat, "It smelt good."

"Oh...oh yeah, um, is Hanbyul-"

"I'll take it to her. I'm gonna let her eat in her room just for today and pretend that we left the habit behind in 2018 from now on," Hanbin said with a shrug, taking the plate with the smallest portion before walking off without another word and Yunhyeong nodded at his back, taking the other two plates before walking out of the kitchen carefully,  _carefully_. He kept his eyes on the plate the entire time, shuffling at a snail's pace, until someone was tapping his shoulder and he almost screamed his lungs out.

"I  _hate_  you," Yunhyeong whined, punching Hanbin's arm after the younger took a plate from him and Hanbin only snorted, tugging on Yunhyeong's shirt before leading him over to what was hopefully the dining room. This house was nice, so big but it felt empty, kind of devoid of love and comfort and Yunhyeong was seeing far too little baby photos and warm colours. It made him want to just forget about the food and hug Hanbin for a while. Hug him tight and tell him that he was loved, because this kind of atmosphere didn't say it well enough.

"Here we are," Hanbin said, coughing slightly as he pushed open a door and Yunhyeong went through, quickly setting the plate on the table first before he saw a rose petal and he might have blinked a few too many times. Then he was seizing up at the mellow lighting, gawking at the candles standing high with the small sweet flickering fames atop of them, and he didn't even  _let_  himself look at the vase of roses before he was turning around to squeak a very-not-well-thought-out, "What the...huh... _wha_ \- what- WHY,  _what-_ "

"Are you choking?" Hanbin asked in confusion, his head slightly tilted like a puppy and Yunhyeong wanted to hit that stupid cute head.

"Mmmm no, never mind, let's just...sit?"

"Okay."

Yunhyeong scrutinised Hanbin for five minutes after they sat down, staring at him hard as he pretended to sip a glass of water. Hanbin looked composed, but he was growing increasingly pink which might have meant something, and the candle was flickering right in front of his face which distracted Yunhyeong for a while but he snapped himself out of it because he was supposed to be examining. Examining Hanbin to see if he realised just how romantic this set up was. If he had realised that they were having a fucking  _candlelit dinner like you saw in the movies-_

"Can you stop staring at me?!"

"AH!" Yunhyeong yelped, accidentally jolting before flinching when the water in his cup spewed over his shirt, making him groan as he pulled at the hem, looking down at it. " _Ugh_..."

"Serves you right," Hanbin grumbled, still looking a bit affronted before he took one look at Yunhyeong's exaggerated pout and sighed, slowly getting up to leave hopefully to get some tissue. Yunhyeong looked at the candle in front of him for a moment, because it's dancing flame was definitely challenging him. It was telling him 'you're on a date with your best friend, loseeeeer' and Yunhyeong replied with a disgruntled, "So  _what_?" but the candle didn't reply, because the candle hadn't even spoken in the first place and Yunhyeong was left feeling stupid and weirdly fuzzy inside.

"Here's a napki-"

"Did you try and make this like a date?" Yunhyeong asked bluntly, fuelled by curiosity and Hanbin froze up, eyes widening before Yunhyeong was laughing, reaching out for the napkin. "God, Bin, that's so  _cute_. I should have expected it from you and your drama-obsessed ass, were you watching a lovey episode recently or something?"

"I mean...I guess," Hanbin said, sitting back down and he smiled too in his own beautiful way and Yunhyeong was glad, because he had been worried for a second that he had pushed things too far. Hanbin was adorable and he deserved a lover  _fast_ , he couldn't be wasting all of his advances on Yunhyeong, how was that fair? Though, to be honest, Yunhyeong in all his single glory wasn't really complaining. "I got it ready last minute, I know- I know it's so stupid, what the fuck was I thinking-"

"Hey, I said it was  _cute_ ," Yunhyeong said firmly, trying to be intimidating but he ended up grinning as he picked up his knife, twizzling it around his fingers. "And lame too but who doesn't love desperate-for-action Hanbin?"

Yunhyeong yelped when Hanbin threw another napkin at his head, giggling before yowling in pain when Hanbin followed it up with a kick to his leg under the table. "O- _Ow_..."

They started eating soon after the possibilities of more casualties diminished, and Yunhyeong was inwardly giving himself a pat on his back when he saw Hanbin smile after the first bite but there was no more smiling after that, only thoughtful quiet, and Yunhyeong found himself getting a little impatient even though he shouldn't be. By now, it had become enough to just have Hanbin in his _vicinity_ , even if he was quiet.

"How was the day without me?" Hanbin asked, eyes still on his food and Yunhyeong sighed, resting his hand against the side of his face and, considering how Hanbin flicked his eyes up and smiled, Yunhyeong probably looked like a right ditz.

"It was sad. And, you know, I hung out with Minsu."

"Oh my God."

"Right? It was weird but he's nice. He has a collection of fossilised eggs."

Hanbin frowned. "I could have a collection of fish eyes by now but you won't let me."

Yunhyeong stared at him in amazement. "See? I keep trying to tell people that you're weirder than  _anyone_  at school but you just got lucky 'cause you're hot."

"Hey, Minsu has his fair share of looks, what are you saying?"

"Yeah true. Miss another day then I think I've got a new hot best friend."

"Can you stop calling me hot for a second?!"

Yunhyeong clamped his mouth shut, nodding and Hanbin looked mildly placated as they went back to eating. But Yunhyeong immediately smiled when Hanbin cleared his throat and said, "You wouldn't date Minsu...right?"

"By date, do you mean  _actually_  date, or go to his house and have him set up a candlelit dinner because he watches too many dramas?" Yunhyeong asked innocently, blinking and Hanbin grimaced as he looked away. It made Yunhyeong smile before he thought back to the question, placing his face in his palm as he hummed in thought. "I don't think I would, really."

Hanbin's eyes flicked back to him. "You don't sound sure."

"I don't think I could ever be  _sure-_ sure, about  _anything_. If he, if anyone asked me out really then I'd probably say yes. I just don't feel like I need to be picky like that straight off the bat. But I don't think me and him would last past one or two dates."

"Why not?"

"We're not that kind of compatible."

"What kind of compatible are we?"

"I don't  _know_ , Bin, we're just different. We're more in essence than words," Yunhyeong said with a bright smile but Hanbin frowned.

"Don't be like that, don't be pseudo-poetic, that's my job. What kind of compatible are we?"

"I- God, I don't know, okay-"

"And even if you think you're not compatible with someone, you'd still go out with them once?"

"I guess that's what I said so yeah-"

"Then prove it," Hanbin said, leaning forward and Yunhyeong instinctively leant back, catching the dangerous look in Hanbin's far too expressive eyes and oddly enough, he knew what the guy was going to say before he said it, but he couldn't for the life of him believe it. "Go out with me."

Yunhyeong didn't know why he stood up but he did, and Hanbin's eyes only followed him. "Hanbin, what the fuck."

"Just-"

"You're kidding, right?"

"...if your answer is no then yes, yes I am," Hanbin said slowly and Yunhyeong wanted to flip the table.

"Hanbin, you need to understand that you can't just DO this-"

"I'm not, ignore anything about me kidding because I'm just genuinely asking, would you?" Hanbin asked, sounding all kinds of worried as he stood up too, eyeing Yunhyeong's clenched fists which Yunhyeong looked at and he sighed, slowly unclenching them.

"But why are you asking? Seriously, I was being honest, don't play with me."

Hanbin just shook his head in exasperation, looking back before dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clank and walking away, straight past Yunhyeong without hesitating once and Yunhyeong blinked, freezing for a moment before spinning around. "Hanbin? Hanbin, wait, I'm really confu-"

"Just give me a minute," Hanbin muttered loud enough for him to hear and Yunhyeong stayed rooted where he was, feeling withdrawn at the sound of Hanbin going up the stairs. And Yunhyeong decided, oh yeah, he could  _totally_  give Hanbin a minute. Absolutely. He didn't mind, he wasn't overwhelmingly worried. Not at all. Meaning, he could _not_ be overwhelmingly worried while silently pacing outside Hanbin's door, wincing at the small grunts he could hear meaning that Hanbin was overtly exercising which was what he did when he...felt too much of something. What was the something now?

Yunhyeong couldn't help but feel like he had done something terrible. But he hadn't. Unless being oblivious made the cut.

_But there's no way Hanbin likes me like that._

There had been no signs. Hanbin was even  _cold_  to him sometimes and besides, he had never said anything. Hanbin would definitely just say something, he wasn't the type of person to be willingly in the friend zone. There wasn't any possibility.

A moment more passed of Yunhyeong pacing, thoughts flitting through his head and he couldn't grasp onto any of them.

_I don't want Hanbin to like me._

_Is that why he sounded kinda protective with Minsu? I thought that was just a friend thing. But he asked about dating._

_Do_   ** _I_ **_like Hanbin?_

_I like holding his hand._

_I like how he looks._

_I like who he is._

_But that doesn't have to mean I_ **_like_  ** _him._

_Why would he like_ _**me**?_

Yunhyeong's head was aching. He couldn't help himself as he gently opened the door, peeking his head around it to see Hanbin doing sit-ups like crazy, shirt off, jaw tightened. Yunhyeong bit his lip, resting his head against the door and watching him for a second, wondering if his emotions were really  _that big_ until he knocked on the door, making himself known. Hanbin immediately fell back onto the floor at the sound, breathing out which moved a lock of hair out of his face and Yunhyeong smiled gently. "Hi."

"I said I needed a minute."

"I'm pretty sure I gave you ten, and I need to make sure you don't kill yourself."

Hanbin rolled his eyes, sitting up before blinking when he saw Yunhyeong had come in and was in front of him, holding out an arm. Hanbin stared at it for a moment before ignoring it, simply hopping up himself and he was about to move past Yunhyeong until the elder held onto his arm. "Wait."

Hanbin‘s face stayed blank. "I'd rather not."

"Yeah, you would. Come on."

And then Yunhyeong was pushing him onto the bed which had Hanbin's eyes widening but his sore muscles welcomed it involuntarily, and then Yunhyeong was rolling onto the bed too, lying down next to Hanbin and resting his head on his arm, looking up to the ceiling. It was just like usual, they'd done this more than once but this time, Yunhyeong inched closer, slinging an arm over Hanbin's torso before cuddling into the younger's side. Immediately, Hanbin's skin seemed to burn up.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm...fine," Hanbin mumbled, resting his face in Yunhyeong's hair. "I just kinda wish today never happened."

"Why not?"

"Ruined everything."

"Do I look like I hate you?"

"I know you wouldn't hate me. I've just ruined our dynamic."

"What kind of dynamic do we even-"

"Best friends."

Yunhyeong looked up, seeing Hanbin looking at his hair while he played with it. Hanbin looked at him eventually, still continuing to play with Yunhyeong's hair and he seemed to be waiting for something, so Yunhyeong asked carefully, "Why do you want more?"

Hanbin looked away, uncomfortable. "I don't even know. What do you want me to say? You're beautiful? Your lameness can be endearing? You have cute habits? I don't let our faces get too close or I just want to-"

Yunhyeong reached up, looping an arm around Hanbin's neck before pulling him down, and pressing their lips together. He expected stiffness, not for Hanbin to immediately kiss back, pressing closer like he was almost desperate and Yunhyeong broke away in surprise, gasping quietly for air as Hanbin stared at him in disbelieving worry, finishing with a whisper of, "-kiss you. I...always, always want to kiss you."

"Why?"

"Why not? I love you," Hanbin murmured, looking like he was in slight agony and Yunhyeong's heart stuttered as he slipped his hand into Hanbin's without looking, and Hanbin was the one to intertwine their fingers. "I've had a crush on you since forever but I was convinced that this was enough and-"

"It's not, is it? That's why you broke so easily today," Yunhyeong said with creased eyebrows, running his thumb over Hanbin's cheek and the younger dropped his head, hiding his expression a little. "You could've just asked me, you know? Didn't I tell you I'd always say yes firsthand?"

"Would you really have said yes to me?"

"I would've been confused as hell but of course."

"That's exactly it. You wouldn't have thought we're a good fit because the fact that we've been friends for so long would weird you out too much," Hanbin muttered, looking down at their hands before raising them, kissing the back of Yunhyeong's before resting them on his collarbone. "Don't tell me I'm wrong."

Yunhyeong couldn't say anything in reply. He just rested his head on Hanbin's chest, closing his eyes and silently hating himself because he thought at the least that he could have realised it earlier if he focused more on the little things people talk about like the way they look at you, the way they treat you, the things they say. And with his eyes still closed, he felt Hanbin raise his head and slowly bring their lips together, lips that moved in sync and Yunhyeong loved how Hanbin felt against him. Hanbin's love was warm and soft. Skin brushing and slow kissing and Yunhyeong felt calm as he slowly pushed Hanbin back and pulled himself up, resting his arms either side of Hanbin and that was when they finally broke apart, just a gentle unlatch of lips. Hanbin looked up at him blearily, chest rising with his inhales as he breathed out, "I-I’m sorry. I got selfish-“

"It's okay, Bin, I kissed you back," Yunhyeong whispered and then Hanbin squeezed his hand so he made to untangling them but Hanbin held on tight, shaking his head.

"N-No don't let go, that was just - a normal squeeze. Because I wanted to."

"Do I need to differentiate between normal squeezes and 'let go' squeezes now?" Yunhyeong groaned and Hanbin smiled, wrapping an arm around Yunhyeong's waist to pull him down which elicited a surprised noise from the elder. But he was silent with them being so close, noses brushing as Hanbin's eyes flitted all over his face, admiring him so openly that it made Yunhyeong feel all hot inside. "Um, so..." 

"Is this good enough?" 

Yunhyeong blinked, utterly confused. Hanbin's eyes were staying trained on his now, soft and beckoning. Beckoning for what? "What do you mean?" 

"You're lonely. You're always...lonely. Lowkey. I know that," Hanbin murmured, looking at Yunhyeong's lips like he wanted to kiss them again, more than anything. "I'm only not lonely because of you, but I'm not there enough for you. I'm not there to cuddle you at night when I know you stay up feeling really,  _really_  lonely. I know you wanna be in someone's arms." 

Yunhyeong pouted and Hanbin smiled a little, tracing a finger along Yunhyeong's bottom lip which made Yunhyeong's expression falter. "H-How... _stop_  that, how do you know that?"  

"It's in your face, I guess? Also, you do tell me this stuff. You tell me most things, but just the tip of the iceberg. Like you don't want to burden me too much." 

"I don't-" 

"It's already burden enough seeing you daily and I'm fine with it, hyung, you don't need to think such a thing," Hanbin sighed deeply and Yunhyeong scrunched up his face, flicking Hanbin's forehead and the younger just grinned up at him. Beautiful, wasn't he? Yunhyeong thought so. Messy hair and everything Hanbin was, it just, it reminded him of how ethereal the raw, stripped back Hanbin was. Yunhyeong didn't get to see that Hanbin so much anymore, since Hanbin liked wearing masks. He liked holding back from what he was really thinking. 

"I'll be real with you if you're real with me." 

"I try to be," Hanbin said, eyes growing sadder in an instant. "I try, but I can't be real enough to the extent I should or it'd be too much, you'd have known for certain that I liked you  _long_  before now." 

"What's so bad about that?" 

Slowly, Hanbin smiled. It was groundbreaking in a way. Yunhyeong wasn't quite sure why. "I don't know." 

"So show me the real you. Declare your love for me every second and make every single song you ever write become about me, I don't mind. It sounds quite nice actually," Yunhyeong said brightly, giggling when Hanbin crudely imitated him in annoyance. "It hurts, though, knowing you've not been...you. God, you don't know how much of my heart just beats for you, okay, you're so close to being my world. Be you. Please. Give me all the love. I'll love you even more." 

"You always love me so much, don't you dare do more or I'll throw up," Hanbin whispered amusedly, kissing Yunhyeong before he could squawk in offence. It was a sticky kiss, like their lips didn't want to let go of each other, and the butterflies were growing fast. "Anyway, we need to wash up and sleep, I'm ready to die 'cause I'm so happy." 

"That's...gotta be the cutest thing you've ever said," Yunhyeong said in surprise, slowly leaning back and getting off of Hanbin as his arm slipped off of Yunhyeong's waist. Hanbin shrugged, smiling dreamily as he rested the arm behind his head. 

"This is what you asked for, hyung." 

Yunhyeong had to admit, sleeping with Hanbin wasn't the worst thing in the world. Hell, who was he kidding, it was one of the best things ever. Shirtless cuddly Hanbin with fluffy hair and nice arms, yes please, and Yunhyeong couldn't help but think - this was exactly what he had wished for. The warm, breathing human he wanted had always been right there, waiting. Yunhyeong didn't want to think about what would happen if this night had _never_ happened, if he left Hanbin waiting too long until the younger's love life was ruined forever. Gosh. Yunhyeong hoped that was an overreaction.

"Why me?" Yunhyeong whispered, to himself more than anything, and Hanbin shifted a little from where he was nosing Yunhyeong's neck, blinking his eyes open. 

"You think even I know that?" Hanbin asked raspily, making Yunhyeong jolt a little. "No, I don't. So don't bother asking yourself that." Hanbin reached up, pecking Yunhyeong's lips. "To me, that's enough. 'I love you' is enough. Idiot." 

"Did you really have to add that idiot on the end?" Yunhyeong asked quietly but Hanbin was already settling back into sleep mode, blatantly ignoring him and Yunhyeong sighed softly, smiling as he felt his cheeks warm. He hugged Hanbin tighter, hesitating for a second before he just went for it and kissed Hanbin's cheek. Hanbin didn't say anything, and Yunhyeong couldn't quite see him smile. "Thank you." 

Yunhyeong didn't sleep for a while. He just laid there, and he was pretty sure that his brain was just overwhelmed, too elated by Hanbin's existence which definitely spoke for itself. Yunhyeong didn't have to feel like he didn't fit in when Hanbin's arms were snaked around him, willingly, holding him close. The shadows didn't feel bigger than him. And Yunhyeong wasn't sleepless because he was alone, it was because he was...too happy. He wondered if this feeling would ever come again. 

When he looked at Hanbin one more time, a thought came to his head. Maybe Hanbin would make sure that the feeling never even left. 

Oh, Yunhyeong could definitely live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> so this isn’t good I know but I saw an advert on a train that said ‘sometimes showing a bit of love is enough’ and I was like awwww then this happened
> 
> it’s been a weird couple days


End file.
